Music Makers

This is the best picture I could get of Jade at music makers. She really loves music so this is just perfect for her. I said I would do it with her last year and then didn't realise they had started up. Luckily someone mentioned it to me. Jade and I went and she loved it. All she really does is play with the instruments and dance around but hey that works for me. I love that she has her own little thing to do each week too.

Jade at the park

These are just some cute pictures I took of Jade at the park. She loves the outdoors!

Jade

Let's talk about Jade. I get the feeling when this girl starts talking in full sentences we are going to be in trouble. When that day comes Jade is going to give us a piece of her mind. She has a whole lot of frustrations throughout the day. One of her biggest is that we trap her in the house. I know what you are thinking. Gosh Mande let your child play outside. No you don't understand. She always wants to be outside. Always!

I am finally getting my garden planted. I know it's November already but hey we live in the desert. We are zone 11. You didn't even know there was a zone 11 did you? Well there is so I figured rather than wait until spring I would give it a shot. I planted what should have been planted in September see will see what comes up. Last night while soaking the seeds I'm thinking how great this will be for Jade. Hours and hours outdoors. Her dream come true.

I'm in the garage gathering the supplies I need to finish my garden boxes and Jade will not stay within sight. Not only am I a total worrier but there is a river in our backyard and she is fast. A legitamate worry not just one of my many usual ones. So I am getting exasperated trying to keep her where I can see her. Trying in vien to convince her that the pile of leaves in front of the garage is just as fun to stomp in as any other pile.

I've gathered what I need and I ask her if she wants her red car. She responds with an excited huhhhhh sound and then, "Yeah!". Like I just came up with the best idea in the whole wide world. Alright and maybe it will help to keep her where I can see her. Nope. So I take her with me into the house to get my mp3 player and she starts to freak out. "No, no, no no!" I tell her I'm just getting something and exagerate my hurried steps and she gets it. A look of, whew we are still going outside comes over her face. A capri sun seals the deal but I still get a okay but hurry type look.


Outside I get my player set up with speakers and Jade drinks her juice and dances. I just watch her for a while. Music, capri sun and the outdoors. If only she were petting her very own dog then this would be heaven. I start turning over the soil in the garden boxes and Jade jumps right in. It was pointless of me to put on her adorable yoga pants thinking they would be clean for more than five minutes. I feel myself getting frustrated and she is getting filthy head to toe. I've learned it's pointless to stop her. Jade starts squeezing her capri sun into the dirt, then the shovel then down her shoe.


All the sudden it comes over me that this is who she is. She loves to be outside. She loves to get dirty. Why am I getting frustrated about it. Kids and clothes wash. It's just something I'm still getting used to. Jade is a bit wild in a good way but it can make things hard. Hard to keep up with her. Hard to keep and eye on her. It's difficult to constantly change her clothes, clean up her messes. So many messes. I swear Teagan when he was little (and still today) cleaned up far more than he ever messed up. Our carpet looks terrible. I could use a rake around her high chair. If you give her a cup or bottle she will pour it down the front of her just for the sensation of it.


Yet what makes her so hard to keep up with also puts so much life into her personality. I envy her passion for things sometimes. Often I remind Ian that she is not a regular little girl. While waiting for Teagan one day I ran into a friend of ours who was waiting to pick up his daughter from school. He watches Jade run from one side of the campus to the other. I don't chase her down until she could possibly get to the street before I could get to her. He is asking me questions about her and I mention that she is a handfull. I can't remember the exact comment he made but it told me that he got it. I'm guessing his little girl is much like Jade. I could tell he also saw the life it put into their personality and he apprieciated it.


I appriciate it too. I love her excitement about things. Her love of dirt and grass and trees. How she loves to roam and run. How she is afraid of nothing. How she knows exactly what she wants. How she never gives up. There have to be boundaries though and trying to keep her within those boundaries is really hard work. I worry that this type of personality left unchecked could be trouble. I hope I look back one day and see that I was worried for nothing. In the mean time I'm going to apprieciate my little girl for who she is and do my best to try to keep up with her and keep calm. Wish me luck.

Tag Christmas Style!

Rachel has started the Christmas spirit here. Good for you! If it were up to me I would have my tree up already. So here goes.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Not just bags but lunch bags. I end up using them every year with a pretty ribbon. So cheap and so cute once you dress them up.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Okay first I have to say good idea Rachel. Ian prefers real my pocket book prefers fake. It's a battle and we go back and forth each year. I think the last few years we had a real one.
3. When do you put up the tree? No sooner than thanksgiving an sometimes not until the beginning of December. It's wrestling season so things get really busy.
4. When do you take the tree down? About the second week of January I think.
5. Do you like eggnog? Yes!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I can't think of one. Most likely my bike. I think that was Christmas.
7. Hardest person to buy for? Not sure.
8. Easiest person to buy for? The kids.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No but I would love one. I'm hoping to get the little people one this year. I think the kids would have fun with it.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I used to mail cards. I don't anymore.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Nothing stands out in my mind.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? White Christmas.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Not that I can think of.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Turkey. Pie. Grandma John's fruit cocktail.
16. Lights on the tree? Does anyone not put lights on the tree?
17. Favorite Christmas song? Baby, It's Cold Outside. Bing Crosby & Dorris Day

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home as much as possible.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? I bet I couldn't had I not just read Rachel's answer.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One present Christmas eve (usually pjs), the rest Christmas morning
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Nothing. It's a wonderful time of year.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? For the tree? Whatever we can afford.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? See above answer. Turkey, pie, Grandma John's fruit cocktail.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? My stocking full of fun stuff.

I tag Ruthanne.

Is it wrong that I think this is funny?

So I'm working on the bills the other day. Sitting at the computer. The kids have been totally cute all morning and they are playing in the living room. Teagan comes in and says, "Mama come look at this!". I go around the corner and I see this...


Oh my gosh! That is really cute but a little weird at the same time and really cute! I tell Teagan I think Jade is a little young for that and then bust up laughing as she whines and rubs her tummy. So here are the quotes. I wrote them down as fast as Teagan said them.

Teagan: "She wants her baby out."

Teagan to Jade: "You had a baby!"

Teagan: "That is the first time she had a baby when she was a little girl."

Then he gets all the stuffed animals in the house and puts them in a pile. Calls me in and tells me that Jade is making him babysit too much. The next moment Jade comes and literally sits on the babies. Teagan's says, "Noooo Jade don't sit on your babies!". Doesn't the miserable look and the chocolate on her face just say it all? Not only do I love my kids. I like them too. They are so much fun.


Her apparent C-section...

And her triplets...

Blankie Oh Blankie

Remember this picture? Well this was in August when Jade was missing her brother. She sat in his legos while he was playing to get his attention. I bet you missed a very important person in that picture other than Jade. I would like to introduce you to Blankie. That bright pink thing she is clutching is Blankie. It was once just one of her many blankets but has now become her best friend.

As you have seen Jade and I went over to visit Mitchell and Kelsey in Quartzsite to do some fun stuff. As we were gathering up to leave Jade ran around with her blanket. Mitchell then wanted his blanket because he was really excited to take a nap. In watching all the cuteness I didn't notice that Jade had dropped her blanket. We drove all the way home and as we were getting out of the car I noticed it wasn't there. Ahhhh!

My sweet little girl is pretty much comfortless. If she is upset you can't really love her or distract her. If she is in a mood there is nothing you can do. Don't even try to hold her. She doesn't suck her thumb or play with her hair. Never shown the slightest interest in a pacifier. No soothing behaviors whatsoever but she loves her blanket. There have been a few times she has dunked it in the toilet or the bath tub. I take those as opportunities to wash it. Oh my goodness she is completely out of sorts until she got that blanket back.

When I realized what happened I called Kelsey and sure enough it was there on the floor. I asked them to drop it by when they came to town. I thought to myself, maybe this will be good for Jade. Well it wasn't good for anybody. She was miserable. Spending the rest of the day wandering around screaming. Jade went to bed unhappy with the substitute blanket. She woke in the morning upset. Usually she shoves the blanket at me first thing. You are not to pick her up without already having the blanket in hand. I picked up the sub par blanket and she shoved it out of my hand and I would swear she gave it a dirty look.

I just kept telling myself that it was okay. She would forget about it. Nope the rest of the day wandering and crying. I couldn't get anything done. Worse than that I wanted to start following her around crying. That is when I began planning. Okay Teagan has practice but if we have everything ready by the time we go to Quartzsite and come back we can go straight to practice. Sounds like a plan. Luckily Kelsey was home. Could you imagine if they were out of town? I'm sorry but I might have had to break in. I really couldn't believe I was driving over there just to get a blanket. I felt a bit dumb but with Ian being gone on a hunting trip for four days I was not looking to make life harder on myself.

When Jade got her blankie back she hugged it and made the cutest little lovey sounds and said thank you. Although I felt like a bit of a parental sell out driving that far only to retrieve a piece of fabric seeing her so happy was worth it. Now we have our old Jade back. All the way home the Teagan and Jade had blanket wars. Tug of war and catch the blanket. Kelsey suggests finding the fabric and making a fake. I'm trying. We already went to Joann's on a wild goose chase because we thought the fabric was called one thing but it really wasn't. Not only that but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to find the same hot pink.

This beloved blanket was a gift from Cindy Reid. I haven't thought to ask if she has anymore of the same fabric. I'll put that on my to do list. In the mean time her daddy is pretty sure we are going to have to call her Linus. Who am I to talk though. I also have just one blanket I can sleep with. Mine is a quilt I made when I was twelve. It's actually held up really well. Plus I bring my blanket and pillow to hotels or I'm not getting any sleep. Teagan used to have a John Deere blanket he loved but grew out of it. It's still here. I pull it out if we go for a long trip. Ian and I use separate blankets because he can't sleep with mine and I can't sleep with his. Plus I steal the covers. So I guess we all have our blankies in this family. Most of us just don't scream when we leave it some where.

Finger Picassos

Well I'm not at all a fan of Picasso so let's call them Finger Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres. Seriously have you seen his work? Yes I know that name is far too long. Okay let's just call them adorable. I'm just getting around to posting this now but this actually happened Tuesday the 4th. I really had a hard time sorting through all the pictures of this little cuties. I wanted to post every single one of them.

You gotta love the Hulk shirts. That was a total accident. We showed up at the Pooley's home and Mitchell was wearing a Hulk shirt. Because I know my daughter I grabbed one of her big shirts to wear as a smock which just happened to be Hulk. Her big shirts are shirts that her brother loves but has grown out of so he gives them to Jade. Little did I know the shirt wouldn't be enough. You will see what I mean.

This was Jade's first time finger painting. Kelsey puts the paint out and the kids just sort of look at it. Side note. As she was putting the paints out Mitchell was saying the colors of each one. Brains and good looks. I suggest you keep an eye on that one. The mommys have to get them started and then it's on.

They chatter and paint. We chatter and snap pictures. Mitchell keeps saying Jade's name through the whole process which is too cute. Eventually Mitchell decides it's time to stop painting and picks up the paint. You have to admire his cleaning up skills. Kelsey has him put it back down so Jade can keep painting. Jade is oblivious just painting her little hand.

Jade gets distracted and trys to do a bit of gardening for the Pooleys. Which is code for pulling soil out of the pots and attacking the plants. Cleaning the kids hands and cleaning the dirt up makes for some nice puddles. Jade of course jumps right in. Mitchell likes the idea and splashes around a bit. Jade is not satisfied and sits in it as if it were a swimming pool. I immediately got the image of a little piggy in a puddle.

Needless to say Jade's clothes went home in a bag. After a visit to the garden we went inside and the kids had a bit of lunch. After a few diaper changes and a little bit of playing it's time to go. We really had fun. Also it was a beautiful day so sitting outside enjoying their awesome view of the desert was so nice. So thanks for the walk, the painting, the food and most of all the great company.

If Thou Will Endure It Well

You know I was just telling Kelsey the other day that I wished there was an option to make some blog posts private. This is our family history. It's going to be in print some day for the children to look back on and maybe even grandchildren. There are the posts about the holidays and important happenings and then there are ones like this.

I've been in tears off and on since about 6pm. I believe I have finally hit my limit. That is until heaven forbid something else happens and I find I have a new one. I sit here at eye level with a stack of medical bills. More keep coming everyday. The doctor visits, anesthesiologist, hospital, lab bills.

I look at them and can't for the life of me figure out why I'm paying $70 to be tested for things that can't possibly harm a baby that has already died. Then we are sick and sick and sick again. Teagan misses a whole week of school. We had to reschedule his birthday, then he misses the Halloween festivities at school and nearly Halloween itself.

Today I pick him up from school and he says he doesn't feel good. All I can think is not again please. No more. Before we get in the car he is crying hard. His head hurt and the sun was hurting his eyes. Even in the car with sun glasses on it was hurting him so badly he had to close his eyes. I hadn't seen him this way. It really scared me. So we run over to the doctor and wait. He can't stop crying. I'm scared and trying to figure out why my six year old would have what seems to be a migraine.

The doctor sees him and finds nothing wrong but a slightly elevated temperature. Not a fever by any means but just higher than Teagan normally runs. While glad it's not meningitis I'm disappointed to not know why this is happening. The nurses don't seem satisfied either because Teagan looked so sick and suggest I wait for the doctor to see him again. They were really sweet by the way. I was grateful for that.

I pick up some movies so Teagan can just relax on the couch. He watches one while Jade has a snack. I remember I'm suppose to bring snacks for football tomorrow. There is no way I'm going to have Teagan running and getting knocked around with his head hurting like this. This is his last game. It's disappointing to miss it. It seems nothing is going to go well anymore.

I dread the idea of loading the kids back in the car and dragging Teagan around not feeling good to pick up snacks for a game we won't make it to but I have no choice with Ian being gone. I called Cindy Reid to arrange getting the snacks to her and she calls back and leaves me a message that she will take care of it. She said she is going to the store anyway and not to worry about it. I think that is when I broke. I was so grateful for that act of kindness. I listened to the message and just said thank you out loud and lost it.

Everything has just been soo difficult lately and her taking that one thing of my shoulders was so wonderful. In high school when we were traing for lifegaurding we would tread water holding a 10lb plate up out of the water. We would have competitions with each other to see who could go the longest. I was really good at this game, exercise, whatever you would call it.

That just seems to be our life right now. Except now I'm older and out of shape and the plate is heavier. I feel I just keep telling myself it's okay and a new day comes and I keep treading but each day that plate gets heavier and I'm sinking more and more and it's not fair. Why the hell is my plate so heavy? Not even compared to someone elses. Only looking at myself why now?

My childhood was not in the realm of easy but since I've grown up things have been pretty good. I guess I had it set in my head that I've already had my trials and they are behind me. Why I thought it worked that way I don't know. I guess I felt like I was a new person and this person didn't really have real problems. Perhaps I was trying to will it to be that way.

I bathe Jade and get her dressed while Teagan is in the bath I sit on Jade's bedroom floor with my scriptures. Just opening and reading hoping something will be there that will help me. Jade sees me crying and grabs my face with her two little hands presses her nose to mine and giggles. Another act of kindness. Then she sits in my lap and helps me flip through the scriptures. When she pulls a page out I decide perhaps now is not the time and I put them away. I should probley pray about it first anyway.

Teagan gets out of the tub and the kids are so cute. They play and hug. They are really what has been keeping me above water. Jade laughs as I try to keep her from giving herself an ink mustache with the pen she found in the mess that is our home. Ian calls and tells me it will be okay. I flip out because I'm so sick of hearing that and still more comes. Yes it will be okay but to what degree. If we are homeless by some definition it will be okay. We talk for a long time.

I can't possible sleep so I stay up redoing the menu and planning our food storage and researching this and that. Then I realise that I'm just looking to be in control of something. But I'm not. I'm not in control of any of this. You could argue I never was but I sure did a good job convincing myself that I was. Then I decide I might as well get ready for bed in case I decide to ever sleep. I pull my hair back to wash my face, look in the mirror and it hits me hard. Endure it well.

Again I cry. Endure it well. I know exactly what it means. It was the main topic of the my favorite conference talk I shared the young women in mutual a few weeks ago. It was the talk by Elder Cook, "I want ya to know, we had a hard time". I could completely relate to what that little boy was feeling. Right then I realise I have a choice and a responsibility. I can't continue to be angry about our circumstances because that certainly isn't how I would think the Lord's would define enduring it well. Being angry certainly isn't my own idea of enduring anything well.

I look it up and I realise that my answers are not in the scriptures I thought they were but in modern day teachings. The first talk I click on is from Elder Marvin J. Ashton, "If Thou Endure It Well" I read this line and my eyes are blurred with tears. A worthwhile attitude for all of us could well be, “Help us, O Lord, to remember thy love for us and help us to be fortified by thy strength when our eyes are blurred with tears of sorrow and our vision is limited.” I want to get to the point that this is my attitude, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”

I would like to finish the course of these difficulties. They are coming out us in more ways then I could ever mention here. It's not up to me. Perhaps my course of these trails will not be finished until I leave this earth. I doubt it but I'm not in control. I know I'm being taught something from all of this. I see that it is breaking me down, opening me up and forcing me to do the most difficult thing for me. Ask for help. For now I only hope to get some sleep and wake up to well happy children. Here is the link to Elder Ashton's talk. I think many of us are having difficult times right now. I hope this helps someone else as much as it did me.

Halloween!

Well I don't have a lot to write about Halloween. I think the pictures speak for themselves. Sister Guthrie did an awesome job of organizing the Trunk or Treat. I think we are going to have to start calling it something else. It was nice to not worry about cars getting out and you could actually let the kids run and play. It was sooo nice. Ian was a huge ham. He stayed in character the whole night. Teagan had a blast with his friends. Jade ate candy all night and ran. Just ran any place she could. I did lose her at one point. I nearly had a heart attack. Luckily Curtis found her running off. Thank you Curtis! Jade just loves you. We all do! We had our traditional McD's dinner afterwards. We had lots of fun! Enjoy the pictures. Most are LaRae's. I hope it's okay that I put them up. You can tell because hers are the really good ones. Thanks LaRae! You are so talented.

Carving Our Pumpkin

It seems like it took forever to get our pumpkin carved. I was really excited about doing it because we found this awesome looking pumpkin at Winco. Nice and big, great shape and a really pretty deep orange color. Just a handsome pumpkin. We finally got around to carving it October 30th. The beginning of the week Teagan was sick. He actually only went to school one day that week. We didn't want to do it when he was really sick. That is just no fun.


When Teagan felt better we were so busy. First it was right after Mommy gets back from mutual we will do it. Then it was to late at night. Then right after school (the one day he went). Nope he and Daddy had to deliver some hay bales for his school harvest party. Okay after that. Nope we have Clara's birthday. Which was totally adorable. Why did I not have my camera out? We did finally get it done after Clara's birthday party.


This year Teagan designed the pumpkin. First he drew a picture then threw that one out and drew a face right on the pumpkin. He was so excited because until now he got to help in little ways but didn't get to actually cut the pumpkin. I think it made him feel like a very big boy to be able to to the carving. Daddy did the eyes and Teagan carved most of the mouth.


What was my job? Well toasting the seeds of course. We haven't done this in the past. None of us are big lovers of pumpkin seeds, so we thought. I looked up how to cook them. Teagan helped me rinse them and pick the pumpkin out. They smelled so good when they were done. We ate them shell and all. Teagan had several helpings and Ian commented on how these were way better than the ones you get from the store. Next year I think we will each get a pumpkin. That would mean more seeds. Yummy!

Stupid Spider!

In ode to the season of creepy crawlies I had to show you this. Remember how I said Ian and Teagan did such a good job of decorating the backyard for Teagan's birthday? Well they stretched this fake spider web across the tree. It looked really cool. Although not exactly authentic. Teagan told me a few days ago that there was a real spider in the web. Well I mean he is six. I did sort of a "oh really honey" and didn't think about it again.


Well today I was looking out his bedroom window and yes there is a real spider in the web. I told Teagan and he basically said, I told you so. I went out to investigate with the camera. Yes a real spider and it's big! Ian got home while I was checking it out. Teagan and I swear it's a brown recluse. Ian doesn't think so. It's butt thing is shriveled up. Yes I said butt thing. I'm not the entomologist in the family. I have no idea what it's called. Teagan even got out his book of poisonous creatures and it looks totally like a brown recluse.


If it is a bad spider we did away with it before it could hurt anyone. Well actually it's own stupidity killed it. I mean really moving into a fake web and getting stuck. Really?!