My Happy Girl

This morning I woke up late for the first time since Teagan started school. When I woke up I looked at the clock jumped out of bed imagining I would find Ian asleep on the couch, Teagan asleep in his bed and Jade watching TV. No they were all gone. I opened the door quickly thinking I would see them at least pull out of the drive way. They had gotten up, gotten dressed, breakfast, backpack, the works without me. Wow I'm humbled. Not only did they do it without me but I think they were out the door a bit earlier. As I've said in previous posts...Ian is amazing.

Being they got going this morning without me I didn't witness Jade's early morning behavior. When they got home we thought surely something was wrong with her. She was screaming, crying, throwing herself on the ground. Ian said she woke up that way. I called the doctor thinking she must have some sort of infection. Not really bothering with the whole fever part of the equation but her sinuses had gotten worse and she had done a little ear tugging yesterday. So I get ready and Ian goes to work. Jade crys and complains the rest of the morning and finally we get in the car to go to the appointment. Before we can get off our street she is asleep.

Wow! Okay maybe she is not sick. I start thinking about the fact that she has been away from home and likely just out of her routine. Why didn't I think of that? I have no clue where my cell phone is and I had some papers that Ian might need so I went to his parents to use the phone. I get Jade out of the car and she does not wake up. I cancel the doctor's appointment and call Ian. She still doesn't wake up. I suggest we go to work with him. Why not? I don't want to be alone and she will sleep great in the car anyway. So I hold her in my arms while we wait and she still doesn't wake up. We put her in the car again. Still asleep.

When she finally wakes up she just looks really confused for a long time. Later Jade gets a little tired of driving fields. When we are all done we take her home to run around a bit before we go get brother. The picture above was snapped right as we were leaving to get get Teagan. She had just got done giving her daddy a big kiss but the camera was a bit slow and got this. Still great! Once we got Teagan she was completely happy. So our poor little girl was just worn out and missing her brother. Lately it seems she is unhappy a lot. Between, teething, colds and what I think is her sensitivity to all that has happened she is just not herself. I'm glad we can catch her happy moments like we have here. It makes me realise there are far more happy moments than we think.

Bad News

Ian, Jade and I went to my doctors appointment on Friday. Teagan went to school. It was my first appointment so I had to do the medical history, ultrasound and exam. I went in alone for the medical history so that Jade could continue to run around the lobby with her daddy. When they asked for my urine sample I was bleeding. I had been spotting and they told me it was nothing but I knew in the back of my mind it was something. Especially now.

We went in for the ultrasound and as soon as I could see the baby I knew. Not that anything looked wrong. In fact because the baby is so still it looks perfect. Too perfect. I could see each little arm and leg. The head and the chest. My eyes searched for the heartbeat. Looking places it shouldn't be but knowing if the baby were moving at all I wouldn't be seeing it so clearly. I grabbed Ian trying in vain to warn him. I didn't want to say the words because I had hoped the doctor would see something different than I did. I wanted to be wrong.

I made some really dumb comment about the due date on the screen being my birthday knowing there would be no due date. Her uncomfortable reaction confirmed even more what I already knew and I shot Ian a look trying to prepare him again. She printed the picture and ended quickly to give us the bad news. I wish she had asked Ian if he wanted to see. I have great consolation in seeing how perfect the baby looked. How it grew well until it didn't. How all that was missing was the spot where the heart should be beating.

We cried but I was prepared. For two weeks I had been having thoughts about losing the baby. Driving to pick up Teagan it came into my mind that if we lost the baby it was okay because it had gotten it's little body. We had done our part in God's plan. Another time I was thinking about how our baby could be too perfect for this world needing only it's body. I thought I was being morbid or trying to prepare myself for anything that could happen as I sometimes do. The fact that the baby died two weeks ago makes me think it was God preparing me not myself.

I'm okay. I think we are all okay. We are sad but I think we have a great understanding of why this happened. I strongly believe that this little spirit only needed it's body. It didn't even need to be born. We waited until that evening to tell Teagan. I sat him in my lap and explained. He hugged me tight again and again but said nothing. I asked if he had any questions and he shook his head no. I sqeezed him tight getting tears on his cheeck. When I wiped them away he reminded me that they were my tears not his. I think he was determined to be strong.

Saturday I started having a lot of pain. While I was writing an email to a friend and crying Teagan asked me if the baby's arms would work. I explained no that the heart was not pumping so no blood was getting to the brain that tells the body to move. He didn't explain but I think he was hoping the baby could hug me. That day Ian's dad came over to help Ian give me a blessing. That evning I felt good enough to go out for a bite to eat. Teagan spent the night at his grandma and grandpa's so he could go to church with them.

Today is Sunday. This morning I woke up in pain but I figured it was par for the course. I had some breakfast and decided it was time to start this blog. As I was writing I was having so much pain I couldn't sit still. Then I couldn't sit up. I asked Ian to call the doctor because I wasn't going to make it to Monday. I jumped in the shower thinking I was going to get ready. I did manage to at least get dressed but that was it. I've never been in such pain in my life. Thankfully my aunt Mari came to pick up Jade. Then we made the hour and a half drive to the hospital.

I had terible pain all the way. I could tell Ian had no idea what to do. Neither did I. In one of my moments of relief I noticed he was listening to a Raider's game on the radio. For a spilt second I was irritated but then it came to me how helpless he must feel and I was grateful he had something to distract him in the peaceful moments between my pain. Of course when we finally get to the emergency room they make us wait.

After what seemed like forever they finally wheeled me back. The nurse comes in to take my history and ask way to many questions. I just want something for the pain. A doctor comes in and perscribes me something. The nurse is gone forever and finally comes back with the shot. Once I got the shot I was happy to wait as long as they would like. The pain came back and I was lucky enough to overhear the nurse on the phone with the OR saying it would make her job easier not to give me anymore medication. She came in and said that my blood pressure was low so they wouldn't be giving me anymore. I tried to explain my blood pressure was always that low but I'm pretty sure she thought I was lying.

Luckily my doctor came in. I told her about the situation and she said they were just not used to young people with low blood pressure and she ordered the medication. The nurse was a bit miffed but did as she was told. My blood pressure did not change. Hmm curious. I sent Ian to get something to eat seeing no reason for both of us to be hungry. We were well entertained by the nurses and other patients in the emergency room. I told Ian I felt like we should have bars on our door for safety. Ian couldn't stand the waiting but as long as I was comfortable I could wait forever.

When they finally got us over to the OR everyone was so kind and wonderful. I thought I would cry but I was okay. It seemed every new person that came to my bed asked about the children we already had. I could see how they were focussing on the positive and I appreciated it. Ian could not come in with me but it was okay. I felt like I was in good hands. I was asleep quickly and awoke pretty coherent and thrilled to have some ice chips. Finally I had no pain.

I was discharged and very thankful we made a hotel reservation. I was promised I would be sleepy but I'm not. How I wish I were. So I lay here writing this putting Ian's had back on my stomach every time he moves it in his sleep. I really wasn't prepared for my stomach to be basically normal again. In a way I wish it weren't. It's all so final and over. So wish me sleep and pray for us.

Flag Football

Today was Teagan's first game. We were all excited. When we got to the field we were surprised to find there was no where to park. My goodness who knew half the town would be here. So I dropped off Ian and Teagan and took the car to get a drink and find a place to park. It was easy to see we were flag football noobs. Everyone had their shades and camping chairs. I'm just grateful I at least had my sunglasses and cool drinks for everyone.

Before we even got out of the car Jade started throwing a fit. She has not been herself all day. Jade saw a big field of grass and just wanted to run. I couldn't let her so she cried the whole time. It was awful. She has never behaved that way. Not that she has never been difficult but this was really unusual. Normally I would have just taken her for a walk to calm her down but I couldn't so I just endured the glares and the queries about what was wrong with her. At one point Ian even took her onto the field with him. He is amazing.


Luckily Teagan didn't notice. He was focused on the game. It was really cute. Sometimes the kids ran the wrong way but they had so much fun. Teagan almost made a touch down. His flag was pulled at the last moment. He ran fast and blocked every chance he got. He was thrilled to have his buddy Clay on the team. Who is quite good by the way. They are the Trojans. Ian and Brian (another parent)are the coaches. Jade only ran into the middle of one play and luckily wasn't trampled. It's going to be a fun season. Oh by the way I have no idea who won. It doesn't matter. They all had a blast. Go Trojans!

Thank You

A public thank you to Kelsey for the wonderful meal while we were ill. She made a Yummy, yes with a capital Y, chicken soup. I need that recipe by the way. A delicious chocolate bunt cake. Was that the Hershey Perfectly Chocolate Cake recipe? Also rolls that we finished that night. Sneaky Ian finished them while we were sleeping. Jade liked the box it all came in most of all. As you can see she really likes boxes. So thank you Kelsey. It was wonderful to have a great meal on a night I especially didn't feel like cooking.

Toilet Trouble

As you know I'm taking a cake decorating class. So I was baking away in the kitchen as Jade was playing quietly in the other room. Wait too quietly! I go to check on her and find this. Horrifying isn't it. I shamefully have to admit that I quickly evaluated the damage was already done and ran to get the camera before stopping her. She has swished her hands around in the toilet before and that was bad enough but this time she was soaked head to toe. I mean look she washed her hair!


The cheerleading costume was just a crazy coincidence. We are not trying to say the Raiders season is in the toilet. Oh wait but it is isn't it? Just kidding. Ian just informed me that the Raiders are 1 and 1 right now. Okay I'm sorry I shouldn't pass judgement so early. No I had put it on her earlier to see if it fit. I thought she could wear it to Teagan's Halloween/Birthday party. Cute huh! I'm thinking pigtails with black ribbons. Maybe some pom poms. I'm also thinking of posting this picture above the toilet to remind her daddy not to leave the door open again.

Living On The River

In the midst of all our sickness we had a visitor. A cute little green visitor with the most beautiful markings. Ian was out working in the yard even though he didn't feel well. This grass waits for no one. While he was weed eating he hit this little guy and knocked him onto his back. He was not harmed. In fact he was pretty friendly for a snapping turtle. Ian brought him inside and he played with him for a bit.


Turtles are supposed to be slow but not this guy. My theory is the tortoise and the hare story was actually about a snapping turtle and a hare. History has lost that important fact because when he got going he was hard to catch. Jade of course wanted to eat him. I can hardly blame her. I mean he was snack size. Teagan thought he was awesome and entertained the idea of keeping him. I might have let him had he not been a snapping turtle. I've never been snapped by one but I'm guessing it doesn't feel good.


He was about the size of a silver dollar and just so pretty. The pictures do not do him justice. He kept his eyes on us and didn't seem scared only cautous. He never tucked his head in completely. You could tell by his eyes that he was pretty relaxed. We enjoyed his visit and sent him back to his river bank home. He brought a little joy to our day filled with coughs and sniffles.

"Come on"

I observed the cutest thing last night. Teagan had just gotten back from flag football practice and Jade was in his room watching Monsters Inc. There is a step up into Teagan's room. He gets on his knees and is watching the movie just below the step. Next thing I here is Jade saying "Come on" in her sweet little voice. She says that when she wants to be picked up or wants to pick someone else up. Like when she wanted to pick up Clara at church. That was cute. You could see she by the look on her face she was fully confident she could pick up at baby that is equal her weight.

My head snapped to see what kind of cuteness we would have this time and she was holding out her arms motioning Teagan forward with her hands for him to give her a hug. He hugs her and they both grin. Ian and I ohh and ahh over it and they hug again and again and again. They they chase eachother around the house. Now Jade and Teagan hugging is nothing new but Teagan always hugs Jade first. For her to initiate the hug is something new and terribly cute to see. It made Teagan feel really good too because he said, "She missed me!".

I tried to get a picture but when I got out the camera they went wild so the moment was over. All I managed to get was a crazy video of some feral children. That night Ian and I chatted about the relationship the kids seem to have that is so far without jealousy or animosity. We've yet to deal with a fight or even them agrivating eachother for more than a minute. There are things we do to encourage their loving relationship but I couldn't pinpoint them all. I do hope we can duplicate this with the next child and this and survive the teenage years. Yeah I know I'm dreaming. One can hope though.

Ouch, Ugh, Sneeze, Cough!

We are sick. We are all sick except Teagan. Lucky little monkey. Jade had a runny nose out of no where. I really thought nothing of it. I noticed in the morning and by that night she was coughing and crying in bed. We are all different degrees of sick. Jade is nearly better but still snotty. Ian seems pretty bad when he lets the Theraflu wear off. I am not as sick but have other issues.

Friday I made a quick trip out of town to the dentist. It was really not a convenient time because Jade wasn't feeling good at all. I did not want to leave her but my tooth was really hurting. Maybe a month ago I broke my tooth while eating crasins. I know, what the heck? So yeah I broke my tooth on a pit. Took me two weeks to realize cranberries do not have pits. I guess I'm just lucky.

Anyway I was avoiding going to the dentist because they already said they wouldn't do any work on me due to my pregnancy. So I thought I would go later and get it temporarily filled. Well it hurt and then hurt some more until I couldn't stand it. They get a note from my obgyn and get to work. I had to get a root canal (which I've never had) and they prepared the tooth for a crown.

Now since I'm pregnant they couldn't give me the whole shot to numb me. They gave me one part but not the adrenaline. So it didn't work as well or last as long. In my opinion anyway. So as they were drilling I could feel it. I kept trying to go to a happy place but they kept bugging me to open my mouth wider which would rip me right back to the reality of what was happening.

So we are sick and hurting. I had a slight abscess that I needed antibiotics for but my obgyn was already closed and the dentist would not prescribe them to me. I thought I can wait until Monday. How bad could it be? Well it's nearly 6am and I've been up since 3 in pain. Jade wakes up about every hour and fusses most likely she is stuffed up and uncomfortable.

We are having a bit of a challenge here but we've got Teagan to take care of us. So if you don't see us at church or see us at all now you know why. I hope you are all doing better than we are.

September 1st - Dove Hunting Season Begins

Today we have a guest writer, Daddy(Ian)

So its opening day for dove season. It's 5:30am, way before Teagan usually gets up, but he's excited so it no problem. Papa had just got him a new underarmor camo shirt so he couldn't wait to wear it. "Now I can hide in a tree and the birds won't see me," he told me as he got dressed. After we were both dressed we headed to Papa's to meet up for the hunt. Papa, Uncle Chris, Uncle Cookie, Teagan, and I were all there.

Once we got out to our hunting spot there weren't many birds. So after about 20-30 minutes Teagan's started to stomp on the ants that were running by. Soon I heard "Daddy I want to go home." After a couple hours and 3 or 4 birds we all decided that it was time for breakfast. We all went to Lalo's for a nice healthy low fat chorizo, potato(french fries), and lots of cheese breakfast burrito. About half way through our burritos we got a call from Uncle Jared saying that they found a spot with more birds than we could shoot.

First we decided that we would try that spot in the afternoon when we went back out, but the temptation of killing lots of innocent little birdies was too much. So we crammed the rest of our burritos into our mouth's and out the door we went. Teagan still wanted to go home, but I assured him that we were going to go to a spot with more birds and that it wouldn't take long. Once we got out there sure enough there were a birds a flying.

After the shooting started Teagan wasn't worried about going home anymore. He became the lookout and the bird retriever. He had lots of fun playing in the dirt in between the flights of birds. He did however have a little trouble getting one of the birds that wasn't quite dead and was trying to run away. He kept saying "Shoot it daddy shoot it, it's gonna get away." We got our limit and needless to say he was ready to go out again that afternoon. 4 o'clock rolled around and we were back at it again. This time back in our same spot there were plenty of birds and plenty of action.

We were the first to limit out despite Uncle Jonathan and his friends being there an hour before us(and finishing about an hour after us). It was a great time Teagan had a blast and we got to spend sometime with family. He can't wait to go again!

Cake Decorating

Thanks to a little gentle prodding from my friend Olivia I'm taking a cake decorating class. I've always wanted to take it but didn't think I had the energy to do it right now. Apparently I do. I didn't yawn once in the last class. Although I couldn't wait to get home and go to bed. The yellow and white one below I did in class. See if you can find where Teagan stuck his finger in it. I liked this one okay but didn't really stretch beyond anything I didn't already know how to do. But it was all stuff I needed to practice.


The purple and green one I did below at home. Kelsey was homeless due to a power outage so when it was time for the tiny tots to nap we broke out the cake decorating supplies and made a tiny cake each. Every technique on this cake was something I had never done before. I just got online and printed out instructions for some things i wanted to try. I think it turned out great. The border on the bottom was far easier than a shell border and I think prettier. I wish I had gotten a picture of Kelsey's. Hers had super adorable tiny purple flowers on it. It look like a very large petite four.

The Bus

After much begging and annoyance from Teagan that I kept insisting on picking him up from school I finally let Teagan ride the bus. Friday the 29th was his first day. I was out running errands and still had much to do at home so I ran by the transporation department and got everything set up. Ian called the school and had them tell Teagan he could ride the bus home. I'm guessing he cheered when that came over the speaker in the classroom.

From the time school got out I was on edge. If I wasn't there to meet the bus they would take him all the way back to school. The livingroom has no windows. I can't see or hear the bus from in the house. So I paced in front of my bedroom window waiting for it to go by because it would drop him off on the way back. So finally it went by and Jade and I went out to wait. Apparently our street is longer than I thought because it took forever.

Finally the bus comes back and Teagan can be seen in the window grinning and waving. He gets off and is soaked with sweat but very happy. He really liked riding the bus except for the little boy that kept poking he and another boy. I suggested he not sit by that boy again but Teagan didn't think he could do that. I'm assuming he means they have assigned seating. He never mentioned it again so I'm thinking the little boy got all the poking out of his system.

So Teagan is happy. He starts flag football this week. I can't believe how big he is already.

I miss you brother!

So Jade is usually not terribly interested in legos except to pull their heads off. We call her Baby Chewbacca in reference to the Lego Star Wars game. I think you've got to play to understand that one. This picture is from last week. Remember that was Teagan's first week of school. When Teagan got home he got out his Legos. Jade has been missing him and found a way to get his attention.

Fly Lady

I'm back flying again. I've decided that I have many projects I want to do. Fun projects that I just can't seem to get to because each time I think about doing them I look around at all the household stuff I should be doing. I like fly lady. I've done it before. My first attempt wasn't successful because I was being a perfectionist. Everything had to be perfect right now or forget it. I have a better attitude this time around. This should give me a lot more free time.


I started this morning. Pictured above are my cards that keep me on task. It is now noon and I'm done with my work for the most part. I of course still have kids to take care of and dinner to make but I've done my household chores for the day and even got some exercise. Sounds like a good plan to me. Plus I think I'm getting my energy back. I'm feeling a lot better today. Woohoo! I

What is fly lady? Good question Alicia. Here is the link. Opps couldn't get the link to work. So you will have to copy and paste. It's www.flylady.net It's basically a plan to organize your housework. Makes my life a lot easier and I actually end up doing much less work.