I've tried to write this post so many times. So I'm sorry it is a bit late but here it is.
So I'm not sure I know where to begin with this. Just opening up the blogger page and seeing the pictures makes me start to tear up. I honestly don't know if I can do this story justice but it is definitely something that can't be ignored. It begins with a football game. Ian was playing football at mutual, having fun, he threw a pass and heard a pop. Then it all began. He was dizzy and sick and couldn't stand. He was there for a while trying to regain his strength to drive himself home. That almost seems funny now.
Finally he allowed a friend Jon to bring he and Teagan home. He really had no choice. He was vomiting and helped into the house. Seeing him helped from the truck to the house was a major shock. I had never seen Ian in a state like this. It wasn't until he laid down that he started to feel decent. He slept the whole day the next day. After that his strength wasn't the same but he was able to do normal activities.
That Saturday he and Teagan went hiking with his his dad, brothers and some friends. Again he heard a pop and the neasea, vomiting and dizziness was back again. He got a blessing while he was out there from his dad and Travis. I remember Cindy (Travis' wife) calling to let me know it happened again. I got off the phone and called Dr. Winters our friend and chiropractor.
Dr. Winters saw him immeadeately after hours. I was so grateful the way he dropped everything to see Ian. We were thinking Ian might have something majorly out of place. He confirmed we were wrong and he needed to get to the doctor. He was brought home again. This time he needed to sleep for two days.
On Monday we saw Dr. Lucero. He wasted no time getting Ian into a scan. The symptoms weren't fitting for an inner ear problem. We went for the MRI on the 9th of March. Ian drove an hour and a half out of town to this appointment. I think through this whole thing he felt very helpless. He kept aplogizing for not being able to help with the kids. Driving although not smart made him feel in control and he was healthy enough to do it by Friday.
We showed up a bit early for the appointment. First we went to the wrong imaging place. They have two next to eachother. We waited and when Ian went in I was told that I could stay at his feet and talk to him. That was a laugh. The machine was so loud we required ear plugs. Not to mention although it was the more open MRI machine, his head was still in a tube. So I sat and agonized and tried to sneak peaks at the computer screen on the other side of the window.
I thought I caught a glimse of white. I prayed it was something else. I have to say through all of this we had the reality of what was happening in the back of our minds. It seems like you would be very confused and lost. But I have to say although we counted nothing out we had a very good idea what was happening was down to a stroke or tumor. That was brought up and talked about between Ian and I from day 1. We google, researched, talked about symptoms.
I know throughout my life my very loving heavenly father knows that I don't like surprises. He usually does his best to prepare me for what is coming if I listen carefully. He prepared me very well for what was happening to Ian. When it was over I was so glad they handed us the scans. Remember this was a Friday. I might have gone crazy before Monday. We took the scans and walked to the truck.
When we got inside I pulled them out of the envelope immeadately. The first few scans were fine. Nothing on them. We were just getting adjusted to what was up and down and which angle we were looking at. Then I pulled the next page and said, "There it is!" Ian told me that I had no way of knowing what it was. He said it could be anything. I compared it to the healthy parts of the brain and decided it couldn't be anything. It was definately something.
We went back to Dr. Lucero. He took a look at the scans and gave us some options but highly reccomended UCLA. That was good enough for us and an appointment was scheduled. We met with Dr. Yang. He apparently had a lab dealing with this particular type of tumor. I cannot tell you what type of tumor that was. Honestly I never had a grasp on it. To me a tumor was a tumor. We felt very good about Dr. Yang. Through all this we kept our sense of humor. There was a lot of joking.
I thought we were both dealing very well with it. Especially Ian. He was getting a little depressed about not being able to do what he could before but as the days went on without another episode that become less of a problem. He was climbing up on things, gardening, working on house projects. All this on top of his regular job. He is absolutely amazing. I could tell by the questions I got that people were waiting for me to fall apart but I didn't feel anywhere close to it. I felt very hopeful infact. It was very obvious the blessings we were recieving.
There was a lot of back and forth to UCLA. Everyone was wonderful about taking the kids so they could sort of continue on normally. It started to wear on them to be without mom & dad so much. We talked to Teagan about everything. Showed him the scans. He was amazing as well. I really got the impression he was not concerned at all. I think he felt that dad would have surgery and then he would be fine. No big deal. This boy has been through surgeries with mommy and the excitement of a baby coming and then the fact there would be no baby. He seems to be able to handle anything.
Now I think it's important to talk about how everyone else dealt with it. There was so much prayer. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that Ian's name was put in at nearly every temple in the United States. There were ward fasts. Not just our ward but others. I'm not talking just in out stake. It was talked about from the pulpit. People that we didn't even know cared in the community came forward to show their support.
All of Ian's concerns about work or money were not at all necessary. We had already figured out that with our savings and food storage we would be fine on unemployment. Thank goodness we had no debt. That wasn't even neccessary because his friends at work were going to take care of everything and he would continue to get paid. A grower he works for was going to have his fields checked by someone else and continue to pay Ian. I have no words for the outpouring of love and kindness. I can't explain to you the special place these people have in my heart and I know Ian's now.
When the surgery was scheduled Ian and I cracked a bit. We were driving home from UCLA and we started talking about it. They scheduled it just before Easter. So Ian and I would be in the hospital and without the kids. Then they explained that Ian couldn't lift more than five pounds for a long time. We both broke down when we understood that meant he could not pick up the kids. Ian was very concerned about the state he would be in after the surgery.
There were tests to be done before the surgery. They were very early in the morning so we went the night before and got a hotel. Little did we know we booked one right across from the temple. It was a wonderful sight in the morning that filled us with peace. First Ian went to get a very detailed MRI. I can't remember what it was called now but the purpose was to have a better look to plan a strategy for surgery. The next was to check out the veins running around or to the tumor.
This is when it all started to change. See this guy here. He has been sitting in this room for more than an hour. He has been in this department at UCLA for hours. Why? Because they aren't sure what to do. They don't know what to tell us. So they make us wait and they make calls and they talk to specialists and we wait and we wait and we wait. Our phones start to go dead. There is nothing to do but talk and try to laugh about why we are sitting here forever. I go more than once to the front desk because we can't find the doctors. They find them for me and they basically come and tell us to wait some more.
So finally they come and talk to us. They can't tell us anything for sure but they use a lot of medical terminology to basically say there is no tumor. They can't tell us for sure of course because it's not their department but there is no tumor. It was explained that in the more detailed MRI the tumor should have lit up bright white and it didn't do that. If you refer back to the picture it did do that. So we are sent home. Surgery is still scheduled. We hear nothing for a day or so which is too long and finally we need answers. If Ian does not have a tumor we are not showing up for surgery.
Finally we talk to Dr. Yang and he agrees there is no tumor so there is no need for surgery. Now let me just remind you that he looked at the MRI's on his computer right in front of us on the first visit. We were sent to him because he is a specialist in these particular types of tumors. He didn't blink at this in the beginning. He knew what it was. He knew the best way to take care of it and felt it was urgent to do so before Ian had more episodes. So what changed? We know what changed and we know the power of faith and prayer had everything to do with it but you can decide for yourself.
There was another visit to UCLA with another specialist. One that wore cute boots, drank diet coke and said O-M-G. This didn't build my confidence but it was clear after a little while that she did know what she was talking about. She determined that Ian had a stroke in the way you determine something because there is no other explanation. She went over ways it could have happened and she sent us home will tons of tests to be done. Ian did them all except the cardio and nothing was found. He seems to be fine. For us we feel this is over. We don't live with any fear that he might have another episode.
We are grateful beyond explanation. This has changed us in ways I think we don't even understand at times. After the dust settled Ian says soemthing along the lines of, "How can I ever pay this back?" My response was, "You can only do more than you would have done. Try to be better than you would have been otherwise." I love this man and I can't imagine going on without him. In this case I think we both feel inadaquate for the blessings that were poured down. For the miracles that were given.
